I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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