Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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