She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
