So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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