i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
