dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
