She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize