you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
