can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
