Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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