I feel great
I just peed on a car
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
