I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize