i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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