at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Farmville is her only friend.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
