i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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