So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
