no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize