your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Randomize
