Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
