Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
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