he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize