I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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