Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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