im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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