yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize