I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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