That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
