id be glad to
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
