I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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