We're like a lot better than the average bears
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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