im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
