How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
