I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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