sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
