Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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