But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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