you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
