i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
