My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
