Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
