You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
