I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
