his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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