ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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