i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
