sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
