How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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