Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
