Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
