they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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