Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
