it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
