just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
