We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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