He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
