and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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