ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
