As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Quick, to the slutcave!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
