Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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