The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
