When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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