We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
