I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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