I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
