Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
