I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
