is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
