just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
