And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
