I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
