We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
