she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize