You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
