Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
