Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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