JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
