First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
