Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize