Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
