apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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