i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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