i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
