worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
