and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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