One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
