so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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