I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
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