Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
