I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
