i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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