the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
