Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
