Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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