So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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