Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
