I want to make a zoo with you.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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