I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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