these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
